My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
