eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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