READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
