I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
