Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
