Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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