my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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