Got a toothbrush?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
