just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
from now on my penis is your penis
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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