My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
