it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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