You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
