we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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