That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
