There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
This house was built for laser tag.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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