Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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