you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
