omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
