Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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