the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
