today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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