i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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