i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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