i just made my gag reflex go away.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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