Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
