she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
