Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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