You're a womanizer and a bitch.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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