You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
