Only a mothe r could love this liver
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
