don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
