i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
this hospital has no fireball
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
