whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I had to cum in my sink.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
