You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
