dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
