I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
