Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
