My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
