Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
