Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
