i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
