Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
