it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
