I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
