why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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