My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
