I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
