...so i touched it.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
