Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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