My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
nutella sex= disaster
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
