It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
