Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
