He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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