I just pynch a tree in the face
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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