Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
