Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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